our relationship with ourselves

People say that our relationships are the most important things in our lives, or that they should be at least.

Our happiness is judged by the never ending competition around our relationships with those around us. Whether or not the boy texts us back or we remember to send that old friend a happy birthday. How many friends we invite to our parties and how many others we attend. The constant battle for the best partner, parents and friends is one society will never get away from. Now, don’t get me wrong, I'm not saying these things don’t make us happy. I mean I would be ignorant to say that surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up doesn’t boost our happiness. Yet, the key word in that sentence isn’t “happiness,” it’s “boost.”

What if we focused on our relationship with ourselves the same way we care about how people perceive our relationships with others?

For my entire life, I have been what people refer to as “a social butterfly”. I walked around with my chin held high, smile on at all times, chest (and baby fat that I didn’t seem to lose until my sophomore year of high school), and my little miss chatterbox t-shirt like I ruled the world. Everyone was my friend. Whether it was a daily smile in the hallway or someone I still hold close to my heart today, that was never what was important. It was the deep, deep desire for that quantity that I was so hyper-fixated on. I was so focused on having friends in every aspect of my life that I lost sight of the one that mattered the most.

As I went into high school, this trend of mine never seemed to fade. Sure, I had a few tight knit friends that I called my own, but that was in front of an entire realm of so-called friends that controlled my life, that controlled my happiness.

At that moment, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that missing a party or not being included would end my world and treated these peoples opinions of me like my own version of the Bible. It was never, what do I want to do, but rather, what will they think if I say no?

Being surrounded by so many people who know and love you at a surface level does nothing but make you more lonely. Damn, that was sad to write. BUT IT’S TRUE.

I had grown so comfortable with this constant pressure of pleasing others, that I couldn‘t even recognize what wasn’t serving me anymore.

It is all too easy to stay where we are comfortable. Whether that is a relationship, friendship, or job, the fear of the unknown conquers the possibility of what-if every single time.

I could never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never truly believed that I could put in enough work on myself enough to face the fact of being alone. Well, if I would have known what I know now, there wouldn’t have been an ounce of doubt in my mind.

If you need someone to be your light, here I am shining as brightly in your face as possible. Like when you walk out of the movie theater and forget it’s broad daylight. Yeah, I am that painfully shining sun right now.

If there is one constant in your life, it is yourself. Make sure they are a keeper.

I once heard a quote that said “be so focused on watering your own grass you don’t have to check if someone else’s is greener.” From the minute I heard this, I wanted it to stick with me forever. The idea of being SO FOCUSED on creating the best version of yourself, that you don’t even have time to consider what other people will think about it was something that had me in awe.

So, slowly but surely, I started planting this idea into every aspect of my life. From spending nights at home cuddled up in a book because my body couldn’t fathom the idea of being social, I listened. Or playing cards with my family and cooking my favorite dinner instead of going to that party, I listened. Or even if that meant going on a tear-filled car ride and allowing myself to feel all the emotions I had been so diligent about pushing away, I listened.

Life's too short to live it for others. You get one shot, I mean unless you believe in reincarnation but that’s a topic for another time, so make it count.

Spend time with yourself and really get to know the person you are and the one you want to become. Go on walks without your headphones and drives without the radio. Let yourself daydream and give yourself the space to make them come true.

I know I already put one quote in here, but I am feeling super generous today and want to give you another, I know, you’re welcome.

Jay Shetty, a motivational speaker and British monk that my dad and I fangirl over said in one of my favorite podcasts that-

“you can’t be anything you want, but you can be everything you are.”

read that again.

In a life surrounded by so many people telling you that you can be anything and everything you want, this guy managed to humble the shit out of me. Being someone you aren’t should never be our intention. Life is about finding who we are, what we love to do, who we love to be around, and making those things shine. Everything you are meant to be and do is already there, you just have to be intentional enough to find it within yourself.

Water your grass, fill your own cup, and learn to not be lonely when you’re alone. Trust me when I say that being your own best friend is the most powerful tool of them all. Once you do that, everything you’ve been waiting so patiently for becomes crystal clear.

Xoxo, P