feeding your passions

Our lives are full of expectations.

A set of rules to obey, guidelines to stay in between, limitations to avoid exceeding, and deadlines to follow. In this world full of preconceived definitions of the person we should become, do you ever think of what happens when you stray away? What happens when you break conformity? Some call this:

am·bi·tion: a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.

To me, I call this living. In reality, life is the foundation for our ambitions, rather than the barrier to them. Life is about finding our passions, and living them out to the fullest. Or should I say, feeding them.

The first step to living life, as I speak of it, is finding our ambitions. Seeking out the desires we have and pin-pointing them in our lives. Society tells us that we need to be successful: maintain a stable job, make a killing, provide for our growing families, have a problem-free marriage, and be happy with this future society traps us in. I mean, what could go wrong?

My whole life, I grew up determined to go into healthcare. I was on a mission to become the next Meredith Grey. Always having a job and able to provide not only for myself, but for the family my Pinterest board was so carefully planning for me. I was so stubborn with this idea of my future self. So sure that this was the person I wanted to be. Safe. I was excluding myself to a bubble of security. The bubble would never pop, it was safe.

Then I went to Europe.

Traveling has always been something that fueled me. Excited every curious bone in my body. I strived to see the world, meet new people, try every type of coffee the world had to offer me. I would scribble in my diary about seeing the Eiffel Tower and run around my yard taking pictures of every weed and flower I could find. I was free. I let my curiosity live out through everything I did. There was no fear of being judged, fear of not having enough money, fear of not meeting the expectations society has tied around our fingers. Looking back now, I ask myself, why did I stop? When did I start telling myself that these things I loved and so desperately wanted to be a part of weren’t enough? When did i start prioritizing security over my ambitions, my passions?

Going to Europe ignited something in me. Well, maybe ignite is the wrong word. Maybe it shifted something within me. In some indescribable way, this trip managed to break every preconceived notion of security that society had instilled in my mind. From the moment I stepped off the metro and caught my first glimpse of Pairs, France, I was changed forever. Sounds stupid right? Like, Peyton, good for you asshole. I know I know. But, it’s true. For the first time in my life, I let go. I allowed myself to live out this ambition in my head, this passion in my soul. I realized that living out my passions was beautiful. It felt right. Like jumping into a cold pool in the summer. Refreshing, inviting, intoxicating. You just want more and more of this feeling. You simply can’t get enough of it.

Once you recognize the power your passions have in life, the meaning of life becomes clear.

Life is made for us to find our passions, and live them out. So trust it. Trust that the universe has given you this deep love and desire for something, someone, somewhere and chase it. Recognize that you deserve to chase them. Because I’ve found that this process comes in 3 steps: find your passions, recognize their importance in your life and the happiness chasing them brings you, and prioritize them in your life.

Love playing basketball? The thrill of game day, the competitve nature radiating off of the other team, that post-win feeling, the sense of being a part of a team, a family. Then be the next Lebron James. Practice, pursue, let yourself fall into wherever this passion will lead you.

Lately, I’ve noticed that embracing my passions and recognizing the fullness they place in my heart, trumps any feeling of safety I was striving so diligently after.

After that trip, like I said, I was changed for good. I was constantly chasing my next vacation. Constantly saving up my money for a new camera. I started writing more. I trusted my gut. I followed my heart. Through this, I have come to the healing realization that as longs as I am fulfilled in my own endeavors, I couldn’t give less of a fuck what those around me think about them. Who cares about what you are doing if you it is making you happy?

So, to answer my question: what happens when you break conformity? Here’s my not so simple answer:

The key to life is coming to terms with the fact that you are the only person who stays with you through it all. Friends come and go. Significant others fall in and out of love. Relationships spark and fade. Yet, there is some peace of mind in the fact that you never leave yourself. You will always be there. As long as your own cup is always full, it gives a lot of extra room to flow out your love onto the lives of others. Our passions are what fill those cups. Find them, chase them, give into them. Allowing yourself to go after your passions is scary. But then again, no scary choice comes without an even better reward. So, take the vacation, buy the camera, start the blog, tryout for the team, go to the college, move to that city, take the gap year, start the company, who cares?

What is stoping you? What is holding you back?