the art of finding home in everything

I may or may not be sobbing writing this. No moment has felt as bittersweet as this one. I haven’t been emotional about this experience thus far, but leaving? That’s a whole other story.

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being right where I am. I dreamed of having the courage to explore the world, make mistakes, get lost and let myself feel every one of the butterflies. I'm on my way home and my brain can’t fully comprehend the part of life I just got to live.

Every adventure I've been on made me dream about the one I would take with Iz. Whether it was playing with elephants in Thailand, drinking Paloma’s as we hopped around the Greek Isles, indulging in cappuccinos in Parisian corners, or the day dreams I had all of those 8-16 hour flights, everything left me thinking about how to perfectly curate the trip of a lifetime for me and Iz.

When I finally got the chance to plan this summer, I channeled my inner Jeff Ellison and the hit ground running. If there is one thing about me, throw a HINT of a vacation in the air and I will have a powerpoint presentation and budget spreadsheet done within 24 hours. So, I don't think Iz had any clue what she was getting herself into.

Almost 8 weeks later, I’m sitting in the Madrid airport wondering where all the time went?

When my dad went abroad, he filled sticker-covered journals with detailed outlines of all of his adventures, wins, and loads of losses. Without a doubt in my mind, I am sitting here today, as wanderlust and adventurous as they come, because of him. Nothing I could ever do would truly be able to tell him what that means to me. What he means to me. What THIS has meant to me, but here we go….

A week before we left, my dad showed me said infamous travel journal. We sat, read, cried and laughed for hours. It was at that moment that I knew this was going to be the time of my life. No matter what you’re about to read, know that no words could ever do it justice.

If you would’ve told me two months ago that I call Sevilla home, there’s simply no way I would’ve believed you. Yet, one of the millions of lessons this summer has taught me is the art of finding home everywhere I look.

I found home in the little family of 11 we shared every class, dreaded paper, España futbol win, and walls with.

I found home in my go-to coffee order from Jester’s that never failed to hit the spot.

I found home in learning the countless little streets, twists and turns without ever having to pick up my phone (after the first two 2 weeks)

I found home with the locals who let me practice their language and even complimented my failed attempts. 

I found home while watching the sun set over Plaza de España and the Cathedral while reading a book. It may not be the Ohio river from my jeep but it felt pretty damn close.

I found home in our little routine: class, coffee, yummy homemade breakfasts, roof pilates, tanning sessions, grocery store runs, homework cramming perfectionism, and nightly adventures.

I found home in quick phone calls to the people I love and selfies in .5 to the parents. Proof of life if you will.

It takes practice to not let an experience like this leave you lonely, but it’s the best lesson I ever taught myself.

I discovered that home isn’t a place as much as it is a feeling. Home is wherever Iz is. Home is wherever you are able to say you have “your favorite spots”. Home is having the little woman at your corner coffee shop recognize you as she rides her bike down your street. Home is a place that you miss the minute you leave. Home is a place you can find peace in. Places that make you feel safe. Home is Louisville. Home is family. But, home is also Sevilla now.

Home is realizing that I did it. I made it little P!! That tiny fifth grader in Senora Gonzalez’s Spanish class would be amazed at how I speak to locals. You really lived up to your little miss chatterbox shirt girlfriend.

Those paris pinterest boards are now, as Izzy has said, your camera roll. You turned those Eloise in Paris books into memories.

You messed up and learned to laugh it off.

You flew to mallorca with two girls you met two weeks ago and rented a car to beach hop on a Balearic Island.

You finally rubbed your coffee obsession off onto Izzy who now begs YOU to go on coffee dates. Such a win.

More than anything, you made her so proud. From running around with Gramp’s old camera, to taking your own across the world. From baking alfajores for my Spanish class, to tasting them in local bakeries. From scribbling on her notepad and Justice diaries to here. Nothing makes me happier than making that version of me proud. I did this for me, but I really did it for her.

Saying bye to a place I grew to love was hard. but that just makes the day that I get to come back so much sweeter. You know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and man did the distance make me love the people and places that make Louisville and Knoxville home even more.

Now, I have my own journal full of stories that my kids will hear one day too. Now, I have such a deeper understanding of the words my dad has been shoving down my throat since the minute I began to scheme this summer, “I've spent my life chasing the feeling you are about to have since the moment my own adventure ended.” Over the last 8 weeks, I read texts and heard different versions of this sentence more times than I can count. He didn’t need to repeat it as many times as he did, because I get it now. If you ever get the chance to study abroad, I'm begging you to take it and run.

This experience has made me grow in ways I never thought possible. I learned to trust myself in stressful situations. I learned to let go of the need for a strict routine and rather live in the now because you’re never getting it back. I learned to take siestas and give my body rest, something that I am sometimes embarrassed to admit I deprive myself of. I learned to take risks and be brave enough to make new friends, explore new places, and get out of the bubble I didn’t even realize I was trapped in.

The world is full of people and places you never knew you needed to see or meet. Like I said, no words I could drop onto the page could ever describe the feeling and impact this summer has made on my life. Comfort is one thing, but if any previous version of Peyton saw me now, she would be proud of who she’s become. The little girl who dreamed of going to Paris and kept pictures of the Eiffel Tower on every wall. The freshman in photography class hoped she would one day get past taking pictures of the flowers surrounding Sacred Heart, but rather the ones that fill the Swiss mountains. Even the girl who submitted her application to ISA.

You never know how an experience will change your life until you try. So go for it. Never be afraid to do something that challenges you. You may just end up becoming a cool new version of yourself.

Learn how to find little pieces of home everywhere you turn. You never know how much you’ll find. Thank you Sevilla for being the newest place that feels like home to me. 

Xoxo, P